First, watch this video: !!!W A R N I N G!!!…it’s
slightly very offensive (skip to 1:00 to glaze over the intro). Or better yet, jump to 4:37 to get right to the good part. Or just take our word for it and believe that all the video says is “snacks on snacks!” But really, if you want to watch it, go ahead. It’s offensive. You are warned. Proceed as you see fit: SNACKS-ON-SNACKS-ON-SNACKS
Ok, so now that your opinion of us may or may not be ruined, let me explain what this post is really about.
graz*er noun. A term that describes one who eats (or prefers to eat) snacks throughout the day in place of larger meals. These snacks may include, but are not limited to, chips, spicy Cheetos, flaming hot Chester’s fries, salt & vinegar or jalapeno kettle chips, pickle-flavored chips, guacamole, chocolate things, nachos, Pringles, gold-fish, SPACE ADVENTURE GOLDFISH, nutella-banana-pretzles, salsa, string cheese, sharp cheddar cheese, gorgonzola crackers, carrots, sugar snap peas, humus, veggie sticks, greek yogurt dips (or just greek yogurt in general), apples, raspberries, citrus, walnuts, trail mix, and gummy vitamins.
snack out or snackout noun. Used to describe the grazing event. May be an event with single or multiple participants. e.g. “Wanna snack out with me?” Related words: snacking out (verb), snack out black out (noun).
snack out black out (snackout blackout) noun. An activity usually characteristic of a particularly passionate grazer. A “snack out black out” occurs when one has literally snacked out so much that one no longer remembers the snacking. e.g. commenting, “wow, dinner is in 15 minutes and I’m not hungry. Weird!” Later, the commenter will be reminded that they are not hungry because they consumed a full bag of chips/carrots/nachos/etc. before the normal meal.
As you may have gathered, this post is about the festie habit of snacking. Because let’s face it, anyone who actually knows us (i.e. Marley and me), knows that we prefer snacking to any other form of consumption (besides the shopping kind, which is another issue that will be tackled at a future date). Our snacking habits (accompanied by our mutual love of inappropriate jokes) may have been the first indication of our festie relationship. One of my earliest memories of us is of hiding behind woodworking benches munching on bags of snack mixes we had picked up at the grocery store close to the UW Humanities building. We had a pretty cozy corner back there. While others may find it strange that we prefer our carpet or concrete picnics to their fancy-schmancy sit down dinners, we know that snacking is the best and most interesting way to eat.
Snacking is like having a 4, 5, or 15 course meal for the price of one! What could be better? Instead of trying to decide on ONE thing that you would like to enjoy, a snacker is able to pick a plethora of items they would like to savor without worrying that they will become full/poor/bored before they have the chance to taste everything! Trust us, the benefits of a balanced meal pale when compared to the benefits of getting to eat anything/everything your heart desires.
There is only one very small downside to the snack lyfe. If you live like this long enough, your friends start to assume that you never eat meals and stop pressuring your to join them for “real food.” Without these spurts of normality, the snack lyfe can be a dangerous, nutrient-lacking abyss. Not to worry though, the festies have found a solution! They are called VITAMINS and they are
best only acceptable in gummy form.
Now, before you judge us on our eating habits, let me remind you that we are GROWN UPS and allowed to eat ANY WAY THAT WE WANT. Also, we are both exercisers (sort of). Marley is Miss walks-a-lot and lately Becca has been spending a lot of time on her head. That is all.